"Out My Mind, Just In Time" - Destiny

My mom was beautiful. She was not that "she has a nice personality" beautiful but a rare beauty that you use to describe natural scenery - breathtaking and radiant, untouched by human hands.

My mom was born in Okolona, Mississippi and was the youngest of 5 kids. Her family made it its mission to serve in various ministries to promote the gospel of Jesus Christ. Her dad was a deacon at Mr. Zion Missionary Baptist Church. Her family was there during every service and every event at church. With the help of her parents, my mom found her place to minister through the church's choir. My mom had vocals similar to Dorothy Dandridge - warm and sultry. Every Sunday, the church cried "hallelujah" and "amen" as my mom sang gospel hymns. She was satisfied as a seamstress at Cooper's Dry Cleaning and Tailor's and a lead vocalist in Mt. Zion's choir until she met my dad, Major Thomas Dillard. At the time, he was stationed at Columbus Air Force Base and was visiting his aunt, Nellie Mae, during the Christmas holiday. Although my father was agnostic, he followed the traditions of Aunt Nellie, and they went to the Christmas service at Mt. Zion. It was there that he met my mom.

The Christmas program was like any other church's: the children's ministry reenacting the Nativity scene, the minister preaching about the birth of Christ, and the choir singing Christmas songs. Everything was mundane until he heard my mother sing "O Holy Night." At the altar call during service, my father gave his life to Christ. "Only God can create a voice as beautiful your mom's," he would often say when he talked about his salvation. 

My mom and dad only dated for three months when they got married. My mom's father thought that my dad was using the gospel to corrupt his precious baby girl. He tried very hard to keep my mom from dating my dad even to the point of giving her an ultimatum. When my mom chose my father, he kicked her out of the house and disowned her.

My dad felt indebted to my mom for choosing him over her family, so he decided to make an honest woman out of her. My mom was 19 when she married my dad who was 34. Life moved very fast for my mom who was yet a woman when she became a wife, and shortly after, a mother. My dad was on assignment throughout their marriage, and we moved around a lot which hindered my mom from creating roots and lasting friendships. Without the knowledge of understanding herself as a woman, and the lack of support, companionship, and intimacy she had as an Air Force wife and mom, my mother began to get emotionally detached. Life took a toll on her, and the effervescent woman I admired and loved began to fade. Sure, she was beautiful, but each day my mom's bright light became dimmer and dimmer. On the afternoon of April 1, 1995; my mother committed suicide while my younger brothers and I took a nap.

TO BE CONTINUED...